Single By Faith

I am single

not by fate

but by faith

that God has someone special

waiting for me

No Love Life is Happiness

I have the following equations, which we often hear from people:

with lovelife = happy

not (with lovelife) = end of the world

I thought about this because during OT work in the office, I heard somebody commented:

"Ang hirap talaga ng walang lovelife"

(If you are reading this, I'm sure you know who you are ;)

From the above equations, we can further derive the following:

with lovelife = not (end of the world)

But we all know that the world will end someday.

so the following does not exist:

not (end of the world)

Changing the equations above, we get the following:

not (with lovelife) = end of the world

with lovelife = end of the world

This means,

not (with lovelife) = with lovelife

Replacing the above equation with the first equation above

with lovelife = HAPPY

we derive the equation:

not (with lovelife) = HAPPY

Therefore, I can conclude that

I AM HAPPY! :)

(Of course that can mean either way ;)

Thirsty Soul

Today, I was feeling unusually depressed.

About work, about life.

Felt so alone.

Was not happy about work.

Thought about the possibility of resigning.

But how do I pay my bills?

Thought about my crooked relationship with my son's dad.

I was in the middle of reality and dream.

Depression was making my head ache too much it felt like it was starting to numb. Was I losin' it?

I put on my earphones.

Holding my self as if somebody was hugging me.

I cried to this song:

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see

I hope that he turns out to be

Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood

I know I could, always be good

To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some

Girls think of as handsome

To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed

Follow my lead, oh, how I need

Someone to watch over me

(Secretly I imagined dancing to this song on my wedding, my dad dancing with me first, telling me how happy he is that I have found the right one for me, then my husband smiling down at me and stroking the tears off my face.)

And then I read this quote from Bono:

It’s such an extraordinary thing, music. It is how we speak to God finally – or how we don’t. It’s the language of the spirit. If you believe that we contain within our skin and bones a spirit that might last longer than your time breathing in and out – if there is a spirit, music is the thing that wakes it up. And it certainly woke mine up. And it seems to be how we communicate on another level.

And suddenly I felt better.

I started dancing again to the beat of the songs.

I have reconnected to the true love of my soul.

Music is such food that quenches a thirsty soul.

A Little Goodbye

goodbye.
a little each day just might help.
i know that tomorrow i'll see you again.
but i let this pain linger just a little longer.
that by tomorrow i may be able to say
goodbye a little bit more.

Stopped

i come up here as if to remind you
hey i'm still here
my bags are still half packed
and my heart filled with regret

i wonder if you have anything to say
but your back is turned on me
i guess everything has been said now
and all the bickerings have been exhausted

and even our silence has stopped communicating
and our eyes refuse to look within
no more hugs and cuddles for old times' sake
just a frozen heart that finally stopped to care

Depressing Conversations

walang kwenta ang buhay.

bakit mo nasabi yun?

kahit ano naman gawin mo, lahat tayo mamatay.
pwede mo maexperience lahat.
pero para saan?
mamamatay din tayong lahat.

kahit ano naman yung end, kung meron man o wala.
hindi ba mas maganda na may kwenta ang buhay tapos mamamatay ka, kesa walang kwenta ang buhay mo tapos mamamatay ka.

syempre mas maganda naman talaga yung isa.
pero anong sense nun. mamamatay ka nga rin eh.
ano ba naiisip mo pwedeng magandang mangyari after mong mamatay?

eternal happiness.

eternal happiness?
na-imagine mo ba ang buhay na puro masaya lang?
parang yung sa Stepford's Wives.
ganun ba gusto mo?

--------

ano naiisip mo para sa mga anak mo?

lalaki sila (they'll grow up).
magkakaroon ng sariling pamilya.
mamamatay.
after 100 years, hindi na sila maalala, or maaala sila.
pero after 1000 years, hindi na sila maalala.

so bakit pa natin sila tinuturuan?
bakit hindi na lang natin sila pabayaan.

ganun nga yung animal instincts eh.
hinahayaan lang nila mga anak nila.

gusto mo bang maging hayop na lang?

hindi.

gusto mo bang lumaki sila na kagaya mo?

ganun ata destiny ko. baka kailangan sa siyam na bilyong tao, may isa na ganito mag-isip. para maging balanse. importante yun eh. balance.

---------

for someone na walang pakialam, why do you make other people feel na may pakialam ka?

para hindi nila mafeel na walang kwenta ang buhay.

bakit gusto mo mafeel nila yun?

parang sa isang game. kapag sigurado ka na mananalo ka.
pwede mong gawin kahit ano.
para mas maging exciting yung laro.
tingin ko yun lang yung role ko.
pampagulo. para may challenge.

so binabawi mo na yung sinabi mo na ayaw mong mafeel nila na walang kwenta yung buhay?

hindi.

so bakit gusto mong mafeel nila yun?

mas challenging.

End Of The Day

the end of the day
is the barest part of the day
friends go home
lights turn out
soberness sets in
it's the time that you realize
the only person you have in your life
is you.