A Daze of Love

His grandparents are taking him to Los Banos today.
It's Papay's birthday.

Although he was still sleepy at 630 in the morning, we tried to make him get up from bed. Without the usual good morning kisses and hugs and smiles and tickles, he was almost instantly shoved into his daddy's shoulders and taken out of the room, while I myself was still sleepy and refused to get up from bed. I just looked on and said goodbye to Matt without even having the chance to hold him in my arms for a while.

As the door was slowly closing, I saw his face slowing turning red, his mouth turning into a pout and whispering "Mama". And then he started crying softly.

My sleepiness has now turned into a daze of love, such overwhelming feeling of wanting to take my baby back, as if such great distance and time will come in between us.

My heart just melted at such sight. I know this seems exaggerated. But my setup with my kid is not an ordinary case.

Forgetting about whatever it is his grandparents are trying to catch, I took the liberty of time to take him into my arms as we usually would, cradle him, and mumble our i love yous in between kisses. Finally satisfied with our profession of love for each other, he sits beside me, puts his hand on my lap, and tells everyone in the household:

"I love Mama. I love my Mama."

Nearness of You

how can one explain the nearness a mom feels with his child
even though he is more than a hundred kilometers away from her?

it is when the everyday experiences are retold
by the time he is in her embrace again
and everyone in the family laughs or gasps
making the moment feels real

it is the comfort of knowing
and the sense of familiarity
that the path she once treaded
is the same as where he is coming from

6 Things to Remember When With Matt

1. Play with him

Giving him a bath, brushing his teeth, feeding him, changing his clothes. Accomplishing these tasks can be so difficult with someone who just wants to play and run and be chased after. Forcing him to do something can be more tiresome than making him do something without him realizing that you are actually getting things done with him. How else? By doing something he truly enjoys and does best. Playing! :)





2. Read stories

Matt just enjoys books so much! He gets really excited when in a bookstore. He remembers the names of the characters. The other day, he was having a fight with one of my mom's customers (uhm. this part is actually not good). And he told his playmate, "Gusto mo tawagin ko si Clovis? Mag-roar sya sa yo!" Clovis is the main character in his book "The Loudest Roar." Just found it amusing.


3. Learn new things

I'm not really good at this. New things. I'm the type of person who is ok with routines for a while. But that doesn't mean it has to be ok with Matt too. I want him to grow up a less boring person like his mom. Harhar! I

Let's see. I got a Winnie the Pooh domino from our Kris Kringle today. I wonder if he can already grasp the rules of the game. Although he does have a wooden domino set which was given to him by his Mamay. But so far, all I saw him do was let the blocks fall one onto another. :)

4. Sing

Like his mom (and dad), Matt looooves singing. Sometimes, he would sing non-stop, once he's all wound up (like a toy!). This weekend, while lying in bed, I told him I was already sleepy. And he started singing "You and me together we'll be, forever you'll see, we too shall be good company, you and me, just wait and see" and ending it with "Goodnight mama.." Just the way we sing it to him. :)




5. Take pictures

My camera has been with Canon Inc for repair for the past months. I got it back 2 weeks ago. But still no picture of Matt. Sigh. Sometimes, it can get frustrating -- not being able to get really good pictures. I wonder if anyone has Photography using Canon Ixy for Dummies.

And searching through gigabytes of pictures of Matt, I realized that we hardly have any decent "mom & son" pictures. Tsk.. Tsk..




6. Pray

I want Matt to grow up being close to God in prayer. Matt knows the prayer to the guardian angel by heart.

"Angel of God, my guardian dear. To whom God's love entrust me here. Ever this day, be at my side. To light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen. "

This should be a good start. :)

4 Years

how does one forget
a high school worth of memories
a college worth of friendship
a life with someone that almost felt like home?

What Faith Isn't

how can you accept something that you don't understand?

if faith is believing something that you cannot see,
what do you call accepting something that you don't want to believe?

actually, i think i've said it already.
acceptance.

Quiescence

drenched in silence
drowning myself numb
struggling to unfeel
this blind wanting

screaming emptiness
devoid of words
evading to confuse
my slow steady drifting

Autumny

customized my blog page.
that's more like it! :-)

I Want To Write

all these feelings
all these thoughts
laid down in front of me

to make sense of the confusion
all the twisted justifications
hanging my sanity by the thread

My First Haiku

tainted happiness
unending second chances
fallen autumn leaves